An intersection is a point where two or more roads meet. There are multiple roads in my life and rarely do they intersect. Rarer still when 3 roads intersect. Friday night was such a night, and it was a night which has been branded into my soul. Perhaps I should get a tattoo to commemorate the occasion.
The first road runs through the foundation of my identity within the Christian church. This foundation lies mostly in the writings of Isaiah. I have long been enthralled by the powerful message, first rate writing, and symmetries between the world described in his lifetime and the world of the present. To summarize Isaiah, I’ll simply quote from the synopsis in my Bible.
Have you ever known Christians who lived double lives? Who only seemed to be playing with God? Isaiah knew people who lived a double life - the nation of Israel - and he shared God’s hatred for their compromise. He challenged them to shape up and love God with all their hearts and minds. Isaiah hoped that his readers might clearly see their hypocrisy and change their ways.
Isaiah was a piercing poet, who understood the two sided nature of God’s character: mercy and judgment, grace and discipline, justice and forgiveness, exile and salvation. The tension of these great paradoxes fills the pages of Isaiah’s writings, awaiting a resolution only the reader can bring - faith or unbelief.
My attention was first drawn to Isaiah 8 years ago when a pastor came to me with a ‘word from God.’ It was a portion of Isaiah 59. I don’t remember his exact words, but I do remember that is resonated in my soul and served as confirmation to something that was going on at the time. From that time on I began to read Isaiah with special interest. To understand, I will have to quote the chapter.
Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken lies, and your tongue mutters wicked things. No one calls for justice; no one pleads his case with integrity. They rely on empty arguments and speak lies; they conceive trouble and give birth to evil. They hatch the eggs of vipers and spin a spiders web. Whoever eats their eggs will die, and when one is broken, and adder is hatched. Their cobwebs are useless for clothing; they cannot cover themselves with what they make. Their deeds are evil deeds, and acts of violence are in their hands. Their feet rush into sin; they are swift to shed innocent blood. Their thoughts are evil thoughts; ruin and destruction mark their ways. The way of peace they do not know; their is no justice in their paths. They have turned them into crooked roads; no one who walks in them will know peace.
So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows. Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like men without eyes. At midday we stumble as if it were twilight; among the strong, we are like the dead. We growl like bears; me moan mournfully like doves. We look for justice, but find none; for deliverance, but it is far away.
For our offenses are many in your sight, and our sins testify against us. Our offenses are ever with us, and we acknowledge our iniquities: rebellion and treachery against the LORD, turning our backs on our God, fomenting oppression and revolt, uttering lies our hearts have conceived. So justice is driven back, and righteousness stands at a distance, truth has stumbled in the streets, honesty cannot enter. Truth is nowhere to be found, and whoever shuns evil becomes a prey.
The LORD looked and was displeased that there was no justice. He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene; so his own arm worked salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him. He put on righteousness as his breastplate and the helmet of salvation on his head; he put on the garments of vengeance and wrapped himself in zeal as in a cloak. According to what they have done, so he will repay wrath to his enemies and retribution to his foes; he will repay the islands their due. From the west, men will fear the name of the LORD, and from the rising of the sun, they will revere his glory. For he will come like a pent up flood that the breath of the LORD drives along. The Redeemer will come to Zion, to those in Jacob who repent of their sins, declares the LORD.
As for me, this is my covenant with them, says the LORD. My Spirit, who is on you, and my words that I have put in your mouth will not depart from your mouth, or from the mouths of your children, or from the mouths of their descendants from this time on and forever, says the LORD.
For a long time I have pondered why pastors would decry certain failings in ‘The Church.’ The pastor would make comments like ’some Christians’ or ‘other Christians’ do this or that and that’s clearly wrong. There is no physical entity which is ‘The Church.’ The Church is much like a corporation. There is no person which is Google, or an evil entity that is Microsoft. These companies are abstract entities and are nothing more than the sum of its employees. To say Microsoft is evil, you would instead need to say that Bill Gates is evil, or that certain persons in management are evil. But then try to gather evidence to support your claim. It is rare that you find a smoking gun that you can say ‘wow, that was evil!’ Perhaps the example of a corporation is bad. I would imagine that it would be much easier to find evidence of wrongdoing in a center of corruption and greed then it is in a Church. On the other hand … corporate executives to go Church too…. hmm. But, I digress. The paradox is that there are clear faults in the Church when viewed as a corporate entity, but it becomes VERY hard to pin that down when you break past that facade and try to pin it on a real person or persons. Indeed, the only way I have found to pin it down is to look inward. One of the only things I could do to pin this problem down was to look in the proverbial mirror. Perhaps the problem is me? All the while, I have an eye on Isaiah. Isaiah was the guy who was able to clearly see and understand the evil that had infiltrated the nation.
The second road starts back when I was 23. I had an experience which shook up what I thought was true about Christianity to the core. The years that followed filled me with darkness. I ended up dropping out of the Church in my attempt to find resolution. That road to resolution was nearly my undoing. When I began to find my resolution, I tried to return to regular Church attendance. Now we are to the present. I find it so hard to go to Church because I smell a stench when I walk in on the service. Furthermore, the resolution to the spiritual conflict has left me at odds with some of the very core assumptions about the nature of God that Christian church has adopted. This has left me unable to re-integrate up to this point.
The third road relates to my work life since I moved to Dallas. When I made the decision to move, the plan was to work for my company for a year after which time I would work remotely from Colorado. At the time I had similar monetary offers from the Dallas company and from a division of Northrup Grumman in Colorado Springs. I ended up taking the Dallas job because it had the promise of moving my career in a positive direction while giving me more mobility. Other considerations were the fact that it was owned and operated by Christians and that they were well positioned to be VERY successful. To put the positioning in perspective, a competitor was bought out a few weeks ago for 100 million . Had my company executed better, we might have been the ones to be bought out. In any case, I started out very optimistic.
The company rides on the shoulders of two engineers who were also the only engineers before I got on board. They are very capable and in very complementary ways. As time went on, I observed the actions of the management and the reactions by these two engineers. Things were not well. I would have a conversation with management, and later a conversation with the engineers. There were two different stories and I had find out which story was right. The story as told by the engineers was of management that had no idea what they were doing, refused to take advice, and was engaged in questionable / unethical behavior. It was particularly striking when one of the engineers walked into my office and said ‘Lord, save me from your followers!’ Management had another story of course. It was one of claiming success in times of failure, and later in the diabolical scheming on the part of the two engineers.
Last Friday the other two engineers walked into the office and announced that they were quitting. At the same time, they sent emails to all the companies clients announcing the forming of their own company. I was with one of the management when he got the news because were were on travel supporting a project. I had the opportunity to watch the reaction as the two people they were standing on cut them off at the knees. It was not a pretty sight and I felt for them. This was potentially a mortal blow to all they had worked for in the last 5 years. I know why those two engineers left, and I agree with the way they left. In short, I back their decision 100%. Said another way, I oppose the management 100%. Still, I take no pleasure in watching the sorrow of other people, even people I oppose. In fact, the only reason I am staying with this company is because I gave my word that I would stay with the company for at least a year. I will stay true to that agreement even when it is in my best interest to leave. I know this is the right decision because it is also the hardest. I will represent them faithfully until I am released from my obligations.
Now, the intersection. The night the two engineers quit the boss I was traveling with invited me over for a beer. As it got late, I got up to leave. On the way out I passed a Bible that was in the living room. It was one of those bibles that exist for show. I do not remember what page it was opened to, but I turned the pages to Isaiah 59. At this point, I got into a religious conversation with the boss lady. I have had discussion with them before on matters of faith, and they chide me on having a complicated faith. I listened to the boss lady tell me the foundation of her simple faith. In fact, she went on and on about how faith is simple and how she just believes. That was a moment of zen. I could not help thinking of the consequences of her simple faith. This simple faith has not extended past her home, past Sunday morning, and into the workplace where she spends 40 hours a week. In other words, her simple faith did not result in the application of Christian principles in the place where it matters on a day to day basis. The direct result of this lack of application was being felt most saliently on that night as it was one of the root causes of the two engineers quitting that very morning. I could not say this out loud though it would have been truth. Somehow I do not feel like it would have been well received.
In response to her urgings to take up a simple faith, I could only claim that a simple faith was inadequate in the presence of complexity. As an example I turned earlier to chapter 6 of Isaiah which tells of Isaiah being called to be a prophet.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
He said, “Go and tell this people: ‘Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.’
Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eye, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed.”
Then I said, “For how long, O Lord?” And he answered:
“Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged, until the LORD has sent everyone far away and the land is utterly forsaken. And though a tenth remains in the land, it will again be laid waste. but as the terebinth and oak leave stumps when they are cut down, so the holy seed with be the stump in the land.”
Isaiah 6:9-13
The disturbing part is that this verse was quoted verbatim by Jesus in Matthew 13:5 when asked why he spoke to the people in parables. In short, Jesus spoke in riddles to obscure the truth to certain people. This shows a complex side to God that precludes a simple faith. The problem with a simple faith is that it is all to easy to have faith in the wrong thing. Her response was simple, “he was talking to the Jews. ” *sigh*
Here was the intersection of three roads. The Christian management represent in person the stench that I smell when I walk into church. I see these people as representing all that is wrong with todays brand of Christianity. I see no difference between these people and the people described by Isaiah in chapter 59. I did not see this at the time, but as I pointed out the passage from chapter 6, I was showing them the reason why their company is in ruins. In short, I was showing them in real time the harsh reality of what was taking place, even though their eyes and hears were shut to it.
I suppose that would make me a prophet, meaning one who speaks the mind of God. I suppose if I really did have an ego in this matter, that would be a fun thought. That is indeed not the case. I have not had a vision from God like Isaiah did, and I an not so presumptuous as to claim to be the mouthpiece of God. Furthermore, the responsibility of such a call is perhaps too much for me.
